I used to feel confused, often.
I used to feel unwell, often.
I have spent a huge amount of time feeling lost, without a sense of purpose.
I have spent so many hours, countless hours, reading books and seeing practitioners of all kinds to try and understand whatever it was that I felt I just didn’t understand, to find answers to the apparently complicated situation I was experiencing.
Feelings of stress, fatigue, pain- and a general sense of things just feeling ‘off’ would drive me to continue to search for answers to make sense of and cure the unpleasantness.
Over and over my thoughts repeated themselves ‘’what is wrong with me?’ And ‘who can I find to fix it?’. These questions became the centre point of what happened in my life for years.
I now know that life responds to us in ways which support whichever questions we ask of it.
So, in response to ‘what is wrong with me and who can fix it?’ life responded. I found several answers to ‘what’s wrong with me?’ and each time someone provided a diagnosis I would become hopeful that they could ‘fix it’.
None of them fixed it, not one single one, urghhhh, so disappointing, every-single-time.
The back pain was never resolved in the long term by the chiropractor, physio, shaman, kinesiologist or massage therapist (they were all shorter term fixes).
The existential angst of ‘what the hell am I doing on this planet...and if I am meant to be living my ‘life path’ then what is it- no one ‘fixed it’. The shaman, the psychic, the astrologer, the numerologist (I’m a life path 11), the tarot reader, the counsellor, the psychologist- none of them fixed it.
The anxiety, it was only ever relieved in the short term, again- no one fixed it, despite me being a diligent and conscientious patient.
The fatigue, oh the unbearable and ever so persistent fatigue. I’ve seen naturopaths, kinesiologists, had chakra balances, visited various GPs and paid big dollars for tests, supplements and made some dietary changes. This stuff helped, of course it did, but it didn’t ‘fix what is wrong with me’.
You see, I’d asked impossibly tricky questions of life: ‘what is wrong with me and who can I find to fix it?’. Life dutifully responded to those questions, I showed incredible determination to find answers also.
From the space of believing someone would fix it, I visited many (mostly) wonderful, kind, supportive and well educated folk hoping they’d fix it. I put my faith in them and put very little of it inside of me.
Throughout the years I have met some amazing practitioners and they’ve helped me immensely through tough times. I imagine that some of them quite likely tried to point me back towards myself and my own power. I couldn’t quite hear them or understand what they were saying, because of the questions I was seeking to have answered. A sense of ‘there’s something wrong with me and there’s someone who can fix it’ underpinned all of my efforts & perfectly aligned with my belief system (and that of our medical system).
Our culture teaches us that the answers to our well-being are outside of us, and illness is healed by professionals, who know best. I swallowed this pill early on in life, and when it came time for me to find answers to my own symptoms, I followed the path dutifully to find the right person to help me.
It’s not that healing isn’t helped or co-created with people in the healing professsion, it often is.
What I really want to highlight is this: my experiences were decided by the 2 questions I was asking of life.
Those questions were a source of frustration and hopelessness for me- and they coloured all of my experiences. They reinforced that the power of healing was in someone else’s hands and the big one- that there was something wrong with me.
Yes, I had symptoms, many of them, I had many many people who would agree that there was ‘something wrong’, but the damage was done when ‘there’s something wrong with me’ became a part of my identity. ‘Something’s wrong with me & needs to be fixed’ seeped into every area of my life and eroded my sense of what was possible, diminishing my sense of hope.
I now understand why ‘no one and no thing ever fixed me’ - because there is no possible cure for someone who believes there is something wrong with them and that someone else needs to fix it. The only thing that will create change is when we decide to be that someone for ourselves and ask a question which better serves us, which demonstrates our love and acceptance of ourselves and recognises how powerful we truly are.
Just like Glinda told Dorothy, at the end of her journey trying to get home along the Yellow Brick Road, that she had the power to get home all along. Dorothy didn’t know that. She needed to experience what she did along the Yellow Brick Road, face the challenges she did and confront the fears that she did, in order to gain that belief that she’d had the power all along.
I invite you to consider what questions you’re asking of life right now, perhaps they could be tweaked?
If you’re curious about exploring things from a fresh point of view and finding a new way of meeting your own challenges you might just love a Soul Call Card reading.
Amy & Ken have both been incredible sources of support for me, I’ve learned a lot through spending time with them and consider them both to be great teachers and guides. They’ve taught me so much about the power of the questions we ask & the power that resides within. They’ve shown me that my inner guide will lovingly steer me towards knowing my wholeness, I need only learn how to listen to and honour her.
I’ve also done this amazing training called ‘The Lightning Process’ which empowered me to heal & understand the power I have to influence my own physiology in a practical, enjoyable & evidence based way. Thousands of people have used this training to heal chronic health issues. https://lightningprocess.co.uk/