Alignment. It’s my word of the day. Today I’m in awe of where life has taken me, of the experiences I’ve been blessed to have and the absolutely shitty painful experiences that have provided opportunities for me to know suffering, to live and (barely) breathe it and to learn about how on earth we humans might move through it.
I’ve just spent the last 3 days in training with incredible ‘Mind with Heart’ trainers to become an accredited ‘Mindfulness & Self Compassion facilitator’. This week I spent about 24 hours in total with a small group of incredible women, all devoted to developing their practice of mindfulness and self compassion, of living and breathing it and extending their experiences and their skills to benefit others.
By day 3 something incredible and visible was happening in the room, it was apparent healing was taking place. It was like there had been some kind of magic created in the space- my guess is that it was borne of the willingness of each of us to be there for ourselves and one another, to respect each other’s journeys and see the light within one another. In the spaciousness of all that, we were able to tap into what we needed, recognise and release layers of ‘thought and beliefs’ that dim our light and recognise the ‘stuff’ that stops us from loving ourselves & embracing our lives fully.
Upfront and honest, I need to say that this is by no means a post of- ‘hey, look, I’ve made it, I’m enlightened now!’ Nooooo way.
This is a post to celebrate what’s possible and to acknowledge how aligned it feels for me to be opening up to the healing power of group and mindfulnesss....and the big one, self compassion.
I am reminded that if I continue to show up and engage in these practices I can watch my mind settle, my heart open and feel lighter for it. There’s nowhere I need to ‘get to’ with this, I just know that the showing up and willingness brings potential gifts.
I’m not gonna lie, the first 2 days were hard going, I was scared to feel all the stuff I felt, I was afraid that others might see my immense vulnerability, that my emotions might slip out and others might reject me, they might think I’m broken, messed up...not worthy of their time and attention. Could you imagine if all my worst fears came true, right there with a group of women I really admire and respect? I sure could. #holyshit
By the time I realised that the blanket anxiety I could feel was actually coming from a deep fear that I was ‘unacceptable, not good enough and weird’- it was Day 3. Once I could see what was going on under the surface, I called bullshit on the fear, it just didn’t have the same hold on me once I could see that in reality it was a fickle and unfounded belief- stemming from a long held core wound (probably one that’s been nurtured for lifetimes).
I then chose to let go of the resistance to my inner experiences and trying to ‘keep it together’. The lesson? Day 3 was the best day, the day I felt most connected to others, the day I let love in and the day I could accept myself. It was the day my anxiety subsided and I felt safe to be there.
I share this with you, because I want everyone to be able to experience this- whatever your ‘flavour’ of resistance is, your flavour of ‘I’m not enough, I’m flawed’ is, I want you to know that it’s possible to make peace with it and discover that (the right people) might just love you more for it. The right people, who are there with pure intentions to explore being in the present moment and being more self-compassionate, they’re the ones who can heal in front of you and you can heal in front of.
Today is Day 4- no class to attend, no group to sit with, just me and my boy at home, I’m integrating and enjoying more than ever playing with my essential oils and diffusing a lovely calming and grounding blend- clary calm. Enjoying being mindfully aware of what I need and what supports me. Ahhh the power of mindfulness practice!
And, finally, I want you to know that I’m inspired to create space for this kind of work, give me a shout out if you’re in Bendigo or surrounds and would be interested in exploring Mindfulness and Self Compassion in a group with like-hearted peeps.